Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
