Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
