Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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