And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
