my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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