Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just found puke in my bra..
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
