guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
