I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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