Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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