Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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