Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
