3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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