I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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