You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You need a sexual gate keeper
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
