how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
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Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
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When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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