ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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