When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
