you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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