anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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