party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
