my vag is so smooth its legendary
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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