I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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