That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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