i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
