Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
