He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
