I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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