but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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