i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
you had me at cake vodka
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
