i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
