I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
birth control should be required to get into college
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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