you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My balls are so social today.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
