I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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