Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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