if you like me you must not know who I am
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
