i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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