jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
