3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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