Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
