Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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