Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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