Can Purell be used as lube?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
