I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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