when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
