Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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