I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
