whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
