ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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