I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
