my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She swung at the pinata with crutches
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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