it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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