I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
