Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
