I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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