but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
