eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
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Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
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I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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