I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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