Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
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It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
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22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize