We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
