like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
