Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
