Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I could make wine with my vomit
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Sorry about my life...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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