What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
