How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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