there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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