dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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