and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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