Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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